Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Boobs speak an international language.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
