apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
