Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
