I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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