Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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