I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
