I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
