Where is the hickey?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
