actually, I'm a sock model
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
