we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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