i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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