Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
