Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
