He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
