Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
