How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
