i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
