a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
