HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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