you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Randomize
