cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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