i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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