I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Randomize
