i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
