He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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