why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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