"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
