How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
