you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
