I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
