it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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