I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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