Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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