the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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