we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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