I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
