I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
