Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
