I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
