Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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