Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
