Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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