I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
