Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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