Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
