: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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