Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
