so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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