i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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