you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
