How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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