i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
