I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
