I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
operation have a gay friend backfired
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
